Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Because of my desperate need to be loved,I made poor choices in men. Not surprisingly, I got myself into a string of abusive relationships. Only years later did I learn about co-dependency—especially that it’s not my job to fix, support, teach, or save anyone. During these relationships I was dealing with my own addictions, too. I became a workaholic so I wouldn’t have to face my real problems. But of course, running from my own issues eventually caught up to me in the form of burnouts, and breakdowns. There were bright lights, too. From my teen years on, I immersed myself in studies of ancient spiritual texts and the yogic science of consciousness; they became my lifeline.  I had mystical experiences since as young as I could remember such as “Feeling Energy Heat and pulsations with my hands” receiving immediate “imprints” about people or life events and had many dreams in which I felt as if I had left my body and connected to a higher soul consciousness of the purest Love and Whitest Light. I went through hell and back trying to finish nursing school while working multiple jobs and almost single-handedly raising two children. As an infusion nurse, wound care nurse and later as a hospice nurse. My patients loved me, and I loved them. For the first time in my life, I was making good money in a stable job and didn’t have to count on anybody. I worked nights, slept days, and tried to be as good a mom as I could.

The Big Crash: Real Estate and My Own

Always dreaming and looking for opportunity, I moved from nursing into real estate, eventually becoming one of the highest designated  brokers in the country. I worked hard and played hard. I jet-set around the globe, paying people to do everything from cleaning to childcare so I could work and give my kids everything that I had never had—including nice houses, private schools, and international vacations. However, I was not really mentally present,I did not know how to be. I missed out on many years with my children, hardly realizing that I was passing on to them my own pattern of childhood neglect.  As a Real Estate/Mortgage Broker, I bought and sold houses left and right. At the height of the market, I had four assistants and a staff of thirteen, and I was closing million-dollar deals every month. Then came the crash. Not only the real-estate crash, but also the family crash. My kids resented me, I had put them through so much without even knowing it… I had a complete breakdown. Even in the midst of it, I kept working on other people’s transactions. I knew how to take care of others, but I had no clue how to take care of myself!  The money was gone, my husband was gone, my kids were not speaking to me and no one gave a damn. All my supposed friends disappeared with the money, and I was left broken hearted, owing the IRS, alone and empty and homeless again. I asked myself, “How could this happen . . . again?” I went back to nursing, stuffing my feelings with food and booze for five years. I worked myself to the point where I could barely walk. I saw patients day and night, then went home and drank wine to numb out the pain.

Rising From the Ashes: Awakening to a New Vision

In the depths of my pain, however, I began to wake up. I looked around and began to see how  nurses, doctors and other disciplines were treated in home health and in hospitals. I couldn’t believe that a healing profession could be so dysfunctional: nurses overworked and underpaid, exhausted and overwhelmed; on the verge of quitting or breaking down. Doctors who saw no hope with the increasing paperwork vs. patient care. All my co-workers were completely exhausted, family lives torn, sick and depressed, severely overweight, drinking, having panic attacks and chest pains; I saw my supervisor have a heart attack at 42 yrs old. I witnessed them not knowing about proper diet and that “plants did indeed contain protein” and they ate fast food in the car while driving to see  patients and teaching diet to their patients!  I was starting IVs and giving IV hydration to fellow nurses as they drove with the IV still in their arm to see patients; completely exhausted, dehydrated and overloaded. Not even having time to use the bathroom while driving in LA traffic! That is just INSANE! How could the public heed our advice when we weren’t even taking care of ourselves? We are the closest ones “face to face” with others who are suffering so badly. We had better get it together… and fast! I vowed to save myself and start a movement that would help others.

I started to see that the only hope was for we healthcare workers to change ourselves from the inside out.—again!  This was the moment I decided to become a catalyst for change, to start a revolution… Little by little, my intuition began calling me, stronger and stronger, and I began to listen to the whispers of my own heart. Gradually and with CLEAR intent, I began attracting all of the people, places, and things I needed to be of service to others. I spent a lot of time working with healing energy and people, nursing my wounds and scars, allowing me to come full circle to my authentic self. My children and I healed together, I faced the shadow side “we all have to see” and came out a true Light worker aware of her mission. I once again started feeling “Energy coming out of my hands”, I started having dreams and imprints and “knowings” and I could NOT stop the intensity of the “pull” from something bigger than myself. I began having deeper experiences with my hospice patients that were unexplainable and could only be experienced. I KNEW without a doubt that I was being called to play a huge role in something much bigger than myself and I could not stop it. I began all over again to read books of ancient wisdom. I got back into a daily meditation and started a daily yoga routine. I changed my diet, exercised,  truly listening to my body. I slowly got back in touch with the real me and began to release the “false selves” I had created over half a lifetime. I moved again and again — probably a total of eight times — until I knew I was in a community that would truly support my spirit and who I really am.  Eventually I ended up in Bali creating retreats for “Burned out Caregivers”

Healing From a Place of Wholeness

Now, from a place of wholeness, I know that my previous careers were not in alignment with my core spirit. Now it all makes so much sense why I went to places like Machu Picchu, Egypt, The Amazon, India, Thailand, and SO MANY other spiritual centers of every sort. Now I understand why I have spent my life speaking to healers, shamans, monks, priests and spiritual practitioners, as well as religious leaders in villages and cities around the world.….  Now I am doing the work I was always meant to do, and it is truly a labor of love. Sure, my life has been one of extremes. But thanks to this lifetime of ups and downs, sickness and health, success and failure, I now have a message of true healing — not just for myself, but for all of us. We must first become healthy and whole ourselves if we are to continue to effectively help others.   As I said, many have called me a dreamer, and that is true. I have always been a dreamer, but now I am ready to share the fruits of my dreams in a big way. My vision is to help Healthcare Professionals, AND those who are called, to heal themselves “quickly” as we are in an energy shift on the planet and the Suffering NEED YOU NOW! If your spirit is calling to you like mine is, then there’s no time to lose. We’re calling all light workers and YOU are one.

I have studied in California at the Institute of Integral Studies and also worked with my good friend Dr. Edgar Mitchell, sixth man on the moon and Commander of Apollo 14, who founded The Institute of Noetic Sciences – Noetics, meaning consciousness. We would like to start an Asian chapter and all are welcomed to contribute. I specialize in dealing with people who have suffered Trauma, PTSD, Sexual Abuse issues and I help them in recalling the spirit back as well as Death and Dying and Intense Grief and how to come back to your Higher self calling all parts back into the ONE. I joined Niki on her mission as it is also similar in many ways to my own mission. I was the Qi Gong Sifu working with Masaru Emoto NY times best selling author of “The Hidden Messages in Water” and Internationally renowned Japanese scientist Masaru Emoto shows how the influence of our thoughts, words and feelings on molecules of water can positively impact the earth and our personal health.  I have also travelled with him to Sedona for water ceremonies with the native peoples, as Water Bearers and Protectors. I met Niki energetically before we met in person. We knew each other immediately. We shared a very sacred and mystical experience of which I will let her elaborate if you get the chance to meet her in person. I have worked with Depak Chopra, Osho and Doctors all around the world in helping with their patients. Being blessed and honored to be a part of helping the practitioners of the world, I believe we can reach others faster as the Energy Matrix is opened up more at this time on the planet. Come heal. I will personally help you lose the false self, connect to your higher purpose and show you your power. There is no time to wait, the World needs YOU now!